So many words for the broken heart...

**Meaningful BSB Songs and Videos**

One has probably noticed how all titles of my posts are lyrics from BSB songs.  I feel as if no matter what kind of mood you are in or what is going on in your life, there is a Backstreet Boys' song to convey those feelings.  There is always one line, one verse, or one entire song that explains exactly how you are feeling. For me, no song rings more true to this than "Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely."  This is more the case of the music video premiering at the exact right moment in my life.

For those of you who many not remember or may not know, the video of this song was released on New Year's Eve of 1999.  The video was much darker in tone than their previous videos because the video touched on the band's real life issues.....Brian's heart surgery, the loss of Kevin's father, the death of Howie's sister, and the loss of a reoccurring songwriter for the Boys, Denniz Pop.

"Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely"

Now, I did not actually get to see this video when it actually premiered because I was not at home, but I had set it to tape so that I could watch it when I got back.

During this time, I lived with my dad but my mom got visitation every other weekend, as well as various other times.  It happened to be that we (my brother and I) were going to be at my mom's house for New Year's Eve 1999.  That night I had wanted to go to a friend's house because his family was having a pretty big get together.  My mom and I got into a slight fight before we left to go to the friend's house and I was still pretty mad at her when we got back that night and the next day.  My mom and I fought often when I visited.

On New Year's Day 2000, my mom and I got into another fight.  I was sick of it so I called my dad and grandpa to come pick me up.  I packed my stuff and walked out once they got there.  While I had made the decision to do so, I was still very upset.  I felt as if my mother did not understand me (like most typical teenagers).  I spent the day over at my grandpa's and was in a pretty big funk the whole day.

That night I returned to my dad's house and the first thing I did was watch that taped premier of "Show Me The Meaning."  From the first words, I could not stop crying.  The song was describing exactly how I felt.  I was so lonely.  I felt as if my mom didn't understand me and my dad and step mom had no idea the feelings I was feeling.  My heart was broken by my own family and there was something missing.  But life had to go on.  I think the verse that always hits me the hardest is:

"There's no where to run, I have no place to go.  Surrender my heart, body, and soul.  How can it be your asking me to feel the things you never show?"

 This is because after I left there, my mom made several attempts to get me to go back there.  She asked me to grow up.  However, several instances happened in which she showed a great deal of immaturity herself.  So how was I supposed to do this if she couldn't?  I won't go into a lot of specifics about what happened, but it would take a little over 11 years to speak to my mother again.  This past March I made contact with her again and things are progressing but slowly.

A friend of mine posted the following photo yesterday on Facebook and I think that the words could not be more true and fit in better with this post.

I don't just like the Backstreet Boys because they look and sound good.  Their music speaks to me, they have been through the good times and the bad times with me, and they are always there.  I have met the most amazing people because of them, people who understand me much more than others because they share the same sentiments about the Backstreet Boys.  And I know that most of the people who read this will totally agree with every single word of this saying.